Confessions of a Woman

I let him. Just how bad is that?

Very bad, I’m told by lawyers,

By beggars and cut-throats and thieves.

I let him. Under influence,

Under ‘I thought I wanted him’.

Under the deadliness of this

Silence. I see the headlines,

The laughter, the rumors of this

Echoed down hallways of death

Where I lay down to live, like a

Dog. But the dog is noble still,

Far nobler than I in my dress

And my lipstick and cigarettes.

Don’t patronize me, mister man,

Don’t let me fool you once again.

I’m choking on this food for thought,

Though I try to breathe through my mouth---

The silence is deadly, my love.

And I have not forgiven you

Yet. Maybe. Maybe one day I

Will, though the chances are quite slim.

I let him in. I let him in,

My mantra, screamed at deep midnight

As I fumble for dignity

Like old men fumble for glasses

And hearing aids, and shiny teeth

In water on the side table.